engin@play

The personal farewell to the Greatest

C’mon, as Berry Gordy put it at his memorial, He was the greatest entertainer that ever lived, no matter what you thought of him… Many people don’t believe in ‘idol’s and don’t have any -good for them- but I don’t see anything wrong with that. OK I’ll just come out, I did idolize him when I was younger. And this is the story:

My very first memory of Michael was when I saw him on TV at the age of 8, at a family friend’s house. It was the Thriller video, including the ‘making of’ segment, and I had no idea who he was and I had no interest in music, and most of the music I heard was Turkish music anyway, which I didn’t care for then. But when I saw him on TV, I was hypnotized, couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I remember so vividly, thinking to myself, how can such a young person do all those moves, and that very moment is the only thing I remember from my 8th year of life! I find that funny… I barely remember the memory of my grandmother before her passing when I was 6, and my dad’s a few months later… And the next memory I have is watching him… Nothing in between… He had stapled himself into my head.

Years later I began taking interest in music, thanks to my brother playing music whenever he visited us from Israel once or twice a year. Then one day, on the lunch break at middle school, I walked by a music store and decided to buy my first music tape - I got two actually, Madonna’s You Can Dance, and Michael Jackson’s Bad -  I didn’t know the music, I didn’t know who they were, but I was oddly drawn to them! So I go home, play them, and immediately get into the groove (pun intended)!  I had no idea that this guy was the same guy who did Thriller, cause he did look..uhm.. a lil different. It just added to the mystery and charisma, he was like a puzzle to solve!

So I become obsessed with the music, memorize the lyrics (well, I made up most of the lyrics cause I didn’t understand the way he sang correctly - once I got my hands on the actual lyrics, I was quite surprised with what I was making up before!). And then one day in class, this guy who notices my obsession with Michael, brings me a tape he had, and said I think you should have this - and guess what, it was Thriller!! And I didn’t know what to expect when he handed it over, I was still clueless. Once I went home and gave it a listen, after hearing Billie Jean, which was actually used for a shampoo commercial in Turkey (!), I was like, oh I know this music! But then.. I hear the door cracking, and Thriller starts to play… I get goosepimples… I go nuts when I realize who this guy is!!! At that very moment, the memories come back, and my obsession with Michael officially begins!..

Come high school, this amazing woman comes into my life, my gorgeous English teacher, and we somehow become friends, show interest in each other’s interests, and she introduces me to Queen and Freddie Mercury, and I’m happy like a kid who discovered something new and exciting! I become a huge fan in time and in the meantime, I introduce MJ to her -not that she didnt know of him, but she didn’t know about him- and she starts deciphering his lyrics from Bad album in class, and stuff like that. I’m happy! And one day I get my hands on the book he wrote, Dancing The Dream, which has his poems and short stories. After I read it, I give it to my teacher, she reads it, she gets back to me with a bunch of spirituality books and says, read these, you will get what he writes in this book better. Excited I go and read them all, and not only do I have a better understanding of Michael’s poems & stories, but I get a brand new perspective on life. The books she gave me change my life, things become clear, I make peace with myself and I finally come out to my friends and to her as a gay man at the age of 19. So you could easily say that Michael helped me to gain a whole new philosophy for life, through this beautiful teacher and friend.

Soon after I had the pleasure of seeing him live in Istanbul, as part of his Dangerous World Tour, which was the best night of my life then… Each of his new videos were featured in the news channels in Turkey after that concert, which sounds funny to my friends here but we were very happy watching him on the news :)

Years went by, and when I heard Invincible, his last studio album, it gave me only three memorable songs. I felt like it was time to move on, he had his children and he had other priorities than making mind-blowing music and albums filled with hits and without any ‘filler’ songs. And even though I secretly wished for a comeback later on, I was happy with the huge music catalog he left behind… And by that time my musical horizons were wide open and I had many alternative styles and artists that I’ve been enjoying.

On the day when I had the news on while I was working on my computer, I hear that he’s hospitalized… I  think to myself, he’s just playing a trick, he’s just trying to live a peaceful life in a remote island by faking his death… But no.. he had really left the building… It took me a while to realize that he was really gone, once it became the nonstop news on CNN and they started showing footage from his life, I just had a breakdown and all the memories came back once again… No other artist has ever excited me with his music and videos like he did. I will be waiting for his recently finished material for a new album and his rehearsal footage, and I will be happy like a kid again.. The memories this ‘idol’ gave me are priceless and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.. So I thank Michael for the music, and then some. Rest in heavenly peace, MJ.

(Madonna, don’t you dare die woman!)